


down by contact

by pallasathene



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, M/M, Marauders, Misunderstandings, Recreational Drug Use, also i'm english & this is set in america so there's gonna be errors probably, comedy??? there are at least two things in here that might be considered amusing, idk how to tag i'm sorry, james is a football player, remus has social anxiety, something never before seen from this author: a vague semblance of plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-31
Updated: 2016-03-31
Packaged: 2018-05-30 08:22:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6416104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pallasathene/pseuds/pallasathene
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Remus resents having to cover football for the student newspaper until the star player introduces him to Sirius Black.</p>
            </blockquote>





	down by contact

‘Remus, I want you to cover football from now on. We’ll be playing Colorado State on Saturday. Alison, your last article was-‘

‘Dwight?’ said Remus. ‘I’ve never written for the sports section before. I don’t even know the rules of football. This is ridiculous.’

Dwight turned towards Remus, looking irritable. ‘In journalism we sometimes have to throw ourselves in at the deep end. That’s the only way to grow. Do you think Hunter S. Thompson knew anything about politics before writing ‘Fear and Loathing on the Campaign Trail?’

‘Um, I think he did...’ said Remus.

Dwight pinched the bridge of his nose. ‘Jenna wanted to cover basketball now the season’s started so someone has to pick up football.’

‘So what am I going to do about my on-going exposé of this college’s corrupt financial practises?’

‘Remus, we are very understaffed at this paper and someone needs to cover the football because that’s what people want to read,’ said Dwight.

‘This is exactly what I’m talking about!’ said Remus. ‘Money is being poured into sports and science leaving other sectors to flounder. I am sick and tired of the constant devaluing of the arts!’

‘I don’t want to argue about this any longer,’ said Dwight. ‘Everyone else already covers a sport or submits another regular column to the paper. I keep hearing about your ‘exposé’ but you haven’t submitted any articles in...must be about three weeks now. Learn the rules, go to the games, interview a couple of players, write a few hundred words. That’s all I’m asking of you.’

***

At 11pm that Saturday Remus joined the throngs of football supporters streaming down towards the stadium. It was late, and Remus thought longingly of his dorm room, a bottle of beer, and Netflix. The stadium came into view. It was huge, all concrete and metal, with massive lights that lit it up the pitch so brightly it might as well be day time. Why couldn’t they play in the day time? Remus wondered. It would save the college a fortune in electricity bills, and aid the environment as well. Remus filed this thought away for his exposé.

He found his seat and got out his notepad. He raised his pen thoughtfully. Should he write the article from the point of view of a befuddled outsider commenting on a strange cultural practise about which he knows nothing? It might be more trouble than it was worth. It was probably best to keep the article short and to the point. ‘The score was 35-12 to Colorado State. There was a lot of running and throwing. Player 29 has a great ass.’ Maybe he should have bothered to learn the rules before coming.

Remus was startled out of his reverie by the sound of a brass band. It tootled, honked and ra-ta-ta-ta’d across the pitch. He had to stifle a laugh. The band was dressed in smart red jackets with lots of brass buttons and all wore tall hats atop which large feathers swayed. The cheerleaders appeared on the pitch next, and begun executing a complicated routine in time to the music. Colorado State’s band and cheer squad then appeared on the pitch and performed for their own fans. A huge cheer went up as the players came on to the pitch. Calaveras College was dressed in gold helmets, red jerseys, and tight gold pants. Remus had to admit, they looked quite fetching. The bands and cheerleaders left the pitch, and the players got into position.

***

‘Hey! Hey, excuse me.’

A tall, black haired boy turned around.

‘I’m Remus,’ said Remus. ‘I’m covering the game for the college paper. Do you mind if I ask you a few questions?’

‘Go ahead,’ said the boy.

‘Uh, firstly, what’s your name?’

The boy laughed. ‘I’m James Potter.’

‘How do you think the game went tonight?’ said Remus.

‘I’m mostly pleased with our performance,’ said James. ‘It was looking doubtful for a while, but I’m really proud of the way we pulled through.’

‘You’ve got a few new players this season,’ said Remus, guessing wildly. ‘How do you think they’re doing so far?’

‘The freshmen on our team are super talented. I think they’ll go on to achieve great things.’

Suddenly another boy launched himself at James and kissed him on the cheek. He too was tall and black haired, but unlike James was slender, and wore his long hair in a bun.

‘This is my WAG,’ laughed James.

‘I’m Sirius,’ said the boy.

‘Remus,’ replied Remus, feeling slightly faint in the presence of this unfairly attractive apparition. Tearing his eyes away from Sirius, he said to James ‘any closing remarks?’

‘Just tell them that I SCORE BEFORE I EVER THROW THE BALL!’

Sirius whispered something in James’ ear and James rolled his eyes. Then he said to Remus ‘Hey, how about you come to the after party? It’s in the Gamma Delta frat house – should be kicking off now.’

***

Remus could hear the noise of the party all the way down the street. He had to steel himself slightly before opening the door to the frat house. He had never been inside one before, and had never been a particular fan of macho posturing.

The party was in full swing. Hundreds of victorious students seemed to be crammed in, all chugging from red cups, shouting over the thumping music and dancing with abandon. Remus made a grateful beeline for the drinks table and got himself a beer. Turning round, he spotted James, who was standing with Sirius and a short, chubby boy. To Remus’s relief, James recognised him and beckoned him over.

‘Hey bro, you came!’ said James. He had changed into cargo shorts and was also now wearing glasses. ‘Remus, meet Peter,’ he said, gesturing to the short boy. ‘Peter, Remus.’

Peter looked slightly dazed, as though he couldn’t believe the company he was keeping.

‘What’s your major?’ Remus asked him.

‘Chemistry,’ said Peter, looking green at the very thought. ‘I’m also in marching band.’

‘Marching band! The man’s in marching band! I’m a big fan of your work,’ James said, shaking Peter’s hand, and then deciding to go in for a hug too.

‘Remus, do you want to put your jacket somewhere?’ said Sirius.

Remus followed Sirius out of the main room and down a corridor.

‘So where are you from?’ asked Remus.

‘Mississippi,’ said Sirius, pronouncing it ‘Miss’ippi’. ‘What about you?’

‘Kansas,’ replied Remus.

‘No need to sound so apologetic,’ said Sirius. Sirius opened the door to a small room and Remus placed his jacket on top of a large pile of other people’s jackets and bags.

‘How much has James had?’ he asked.

‘I think he’s on his second beer,’ said Sirius.

‘You’re kidding.’

‘No,’ Sirius grinned. ‘He’s a total lightweight. Ok. Ready to go back to the party?’

Feeling distinctly like he would much rather stay in this room with Sirius, or what was more likely a robot designed by the CIA to look exactly like Remus’s wildest daydreams, Remus said ‘Sure’, and headed out after Sirius.

Remus had several more beers, did his best at beer pong, and stole glances at Sirius whenever he could. At 4am he found himself at the drinks table at the same time as James, Sirius and Peter.

‘So...can you blow your own trumpet?’ Sirius was saying to Peter.

‘Well yeah,’ said Peter. ‘I’d never have made the band otherwise.’

‘Yeah, but can you _blow your own_ -’ but at that moment James distracted all of them by flopping onto a nearby couch with all the grace of a tranquilised giraffe.

At around 5am, Remus decided to call it a night. James had decided to give Sirius a lap dance while rapping along to ‘Super Bass’. James was grabbing his crotch and shouting ‘He just gotta give me that look, when he give me that look then the panties coming off!’ at the top of his lungs as Remus left the room.

***

‘Hi Remus!’ came the tinny voice of his friend Megan as Skype finally decided to start working.

‘Hey Megan, what’s up?’

She rolled her eyes. ‘Nothing’s up as you know perfectly well. I’m bored to death. What about you? How’s life in the golden state? What’s it like living somewhere where there are more people than sheep?’

‘Sophomore year is going good so far,’ he replied. ‘I miss you though.’

‘Really? How come you never call me then?’

‘I do,’ he protested, but Megan cut him off.

‘God, I wish I’d gone off to college like you. Men are such assholes.’

Remus nodded sympathetically. Megan had got engaged straight out of high school to a guy named Tyler. He had convinced her to stay in Kansas with him instead of taking up her place at Columbia, and on top of that had put pressure on her to invest her college fund into a business he was starting. Needless to say, the business failed, Megan lost all her money and became disillusioned with Tyler and his empty promises. The two of them had broken up messily in April.

‘I could be genetically engineering glow in the dark mice by now,’ Megan continued. ‘Instead I’m trying to convince people that I’m not lying to them and we really are out of light bulbs, and cleaning up after them when they decide it’s okay to take an entire bed sheet out of its packaging and just _leave it there on the floor_ when they’re done inspecting it. God, please tell me something to cheer me up.’

‘Erm...I met a scorchingly hot guy,’ said Remus.

Megan perked up noticeably. ‘Details.’

‘He’s got longish black hair, grey eyes and cheekbones like a male model. His name is Sirius.’

‘What are you waiting for then? Get in there!’ said Megan.

‘Yeah, because that’s totally how it works. Anyway I think he’s in a relationship. With the quarterback of the football team of all people.’

‘You _think_ he’s in a relationship?’

‘They’re Facebook married,’ said Remus.

‘Lmao, you know that doesn’t mean anything,’ said Megan.

‘Did you just say ‘LMAO’ out loud?’ asked Remus. ‘No, you didn’t see them together, Megan. James was grinding on Sirius while singing Nicki Minaj.’

Megan dismissed this with a wave of her hand. ‘Drunken frat bro antics. When are you likely to see this guy again?’

‘Next game day maybe? Wow, I can’t believe I’ve actually got a reason to look forward to a football match.’

***

Remus’s mouth was dry, his underarms were sweaty, and his stomach felt like it was populated with what felt more like bald eagles than butterflies. _You are a nineteen year old adult,_ he told himself sternly. _There is nothing scary about going for a casual pre-game hangout with a guy you have a tiny crush on._

As he was looking at Facebook to check he had the right dorm, something made him pause. Through the door he could hear classical piano music, which built to a crescendo and then tumbled down in a downpour of high notes. Remus was surprised – he wouldn’t have guessed that Sirius would be a classical music fan. He knocked on the door.

‘Come in,’ called Sirius’s voice.

Remus opened the door. Right in the centre of the room was a grand piano, and sitting at it was Sirius. His hands danced over the keys, moving so fast he hardly seemed to be pressing down on them at all. He looked utterly absorbed in the music. Remus had never seen him look so, well, serious. Remus was so stunned by the revelation that Sirius was apparently a virtuoso pianist that it took him a moment to register that James was in the room too, lying on a couch flicking idly through a magazine. Sirius came to the end of the piece, in a slow and sad minor key. There was silence for a moment, then James clapped languidly.

‘That was really great, bro. What a great interpretation of the piece.’

‘Shut up, you wouldn’t know Rachmaninov if you had a one night stand with him,’ said Sirius, but he smiled and gave James a wink.

‘Is music your major?’ asked Remus.

‘Yeah,’ replied Sirius. ‘I could have gone straight into the New York Philharmonic but I wanted to go to college first.’

‘Sirius is incredibly modest,’ cut in James.

‘You do English lit, don’t you?’ said Sirius, ignoring him.

‘Yep, and my minor is in journalism. I might change to teaching though. The journalism world clearly isn’t ready for me. That’s a joke,’ he clarified hastily. ‘God, I don’t take myself that seriously.’

‘Oh, I’ve just remembered I need to get to the store for alcohol before the party tonight,’ said Sirius. ‘Do you want to come with me, Remus?’

James giggled. ‘Ah nayed to git to the star,’ he imitated.

Sirius threw ‘Complete Preludes for Piano’ at his head.

James got up and headed towards the door. ‘Bye losers, I’m off to the women’s centre.’

‘Uh, why?’ said Sirius.

‘There’s this hot redheaded chick that’s always there.’

‘Are you even allowed in the women’s centre?’ asked Remus. ‘Isn’t it, like, a safe space?’

James gave him the finger and shut the door behind him, but a second later he was back. ‘Wait, I forgot my snapback.’

***

James swaggered into the women’s centre. It was his lucky day: there was the hot redheaded chick standing beside a potted fern. Her arms were crossed and she was looking incredulously at a man with greasy black hair and a shirt reading #MENINIST.

‘Girls only want to date assholes,’ the man was saying.

‘Severus, you literally bully teenage girls on tumblr for fun,’ she replied. ‘I’m beginning to wonder if your definition of ‘asshole’ isn’t just ‘any man who has more luck with women than you’. Please get out of here.’

Severus sloped away, and James took his chance to speak to the redheaded girl.

‘Hi,’ he said. ‘Your name is Lily, right? I’m James Potter, and I’d like to take you out on a date.’

But as Lily turned her unimpressed gaze on him, it occurred to James that maybe he hadn’t come at the right time after all.

***

‘Look Simba. Everything the light touches is our kingdom,’ proclaimed James.

‘What about that shadowy place?’ said Sirius, playing along.

‘That’s the Sigma Theta Rho frat house. You must never go there,’ replied James as Peter guffawed.

The four of them were sitting on the roof of the Gamma Delta frat house as the sun rose over the campus. It looked like it was going to be a beautiful Saturday morning, but Remus couldn’t take any of that in. He was sitting next to Sirius, so close that their elbows and knees touched. His skin felt slightly clammy, and he could hear the blood pumping in his ears. Trying to distract himself, Remus took out his phone and snapped a picture of the sunrise.

‘Take one of me,’ said Sirius. Remus turned and leaned back to get Sirius into frame. ‘Smile!’ he said, and Sirius grinned and made a peace sign.

‘Ooooh...look what I found,’ said James, holding up a fat joint. ‘Pass me your lighter, Sirius.’

Sirius passed it over and James lit it, taking a few of drags before passing it to Peter. Peter did the same and passed to Sirius, who smoked it and passed to Remus. The four of them passed it between them for some minutes, watching the sunrise in silence.

After a few minutes Remus had the sensation that the world had fallen away, leaving nothing in it but him – with his clammy hands and heart that he could now feel was beating at a rate he wouldn’t have thought possible – and Sirius, this divine being with his perfect hair and perfect cheekbones and so clever without even having to try. God, how pathetic Remus must seem to him! Never mind returning his affections, Sirius would be embarrassed at the very thought of Remus having a crush on him.

‘Whoa Remus, are you ok? You’re breathing weirdly.’

Remus looked up into Sirius’ worried face. ‘What’s wrong man?’ Sirius asked.

James leaned forward and turned to look at Remus sympathetically. ‘Got hit with the paranoia? Bad luck bro.’

Remus mentally shook himself. Of course, it was just the weed talking. Everything was fine. Sirius had _invited_ him to come out to the roof, he didn’t hate him.

‘Yeah...’ he said, trying to sound as casual as he could. ‘Probably shouldn’t have smoked when I was already a little nervous.’

‘What were you nervous about?’ asked Sirius.

 _Shit_.

‘Uhh. I don’t like heights,’ Remus said finally.

‘You should have said, man!’ said Peter. ‘Come on, let’s get down from here.’ He prodded James in the arm and James clambered down through the window that was set into the sloping roof.

But no sooner were all four of them inside and Remus was settling himself in an arm chair than Sirius was walking away, out the room.

 _It’s true,_ thought Remus feverishly. _He does think I’m pathetic, especially after I said I was afraid of heights. Now I’ve lost him forever. What have I done?_

But Sirius was back, carrying a bottle of water. ‘For the cotton mouth,’ he explained. James reached for the bottle, but Sirius handed it to Remus with a smile. ‘There you go.’

_It’s just the weed. You’re fine. Wait. I’m not saying this out loud, am I? No, no. God, stop worrying!_

But it was hopeless. He could convince himself his worrying was irrational for about ten seconds before he forgot and the whole cycle started over again. He had to distract himself somehow. Remus tried to regulate his breathing, then turned to Sirius.

‘So,’ he said. ‘How’s the music going?’

‘It’s going great,’ said Sirius, kicking off his shoes and settling himself more comfortably in his chair. ‘I knew all of it by the time I was fourteen, but never mind. How about you? What are you reading for English?’

Remus told him, feeling as though he was talking on autopilot as his brain continued to whir round in its anxiety vortex.

Realising there had been a silence of what felt like an eternity, Remus cast around for a new topic. ‘You’re from Mississippi, right? Looking forward to going back there for Christmas?’

Sirius wrinkled his nose and looked away. ‘I don’t go back there anymore.’ He looked at Remus again. ‘My parents sort of disowned me.’

‘Oh, Sirius, I’m sorry. I had no idea,’ said Remus.

Sirius shook his head. ‘Don’t worry about it. I was glad to get away.’ He sighed. ‘They’re fundamentalist Christians; the whole gay thing didn’t go over too well with them. My uncle Alphard was the only one who stuck by me – he’s gay too, go figure. So I kind of live with James now, in San Francisco.’ He smirked.

‘So um...are you going to be a professional pianist after college?’ asked Remus.

‘Looks like it. I hate thinking about the future, if I’m honest. I wish it could stay like this forever, you know what I mean? This easy and simple.’

Remus wasn’t sure that he did know what Sirius meant, given that his heart was still pounding away like it was trying to power a steam engine.

‘Some days I fucking hate the piano, though,’ Sirius continued. ‘My parents made me and my brother practise for hours each day, and we had to get it perfectly right. And yeah, my family are a bit old fashioned when it comes to the ‘should you hit children’ debate. And one time my memaw-‘

‘Sorry,’ James cut in. ‘Did you just say ‘memaw’?’

‘Stop making fun of my Southern heritage!’ said Sirius, throwing the water bottle at James.

‘Oh, it’s on now!’ said James.

‘Yeah? You wanna fight? Bring it, Brian Wilson.’

Remus could only watch as Sirius and James collapsed on the floor, rolling around and grappling at each other, while Peter cheered and giggled.

***

After that Saturday morning, Remus didn’t see Sirius, James or Peter for several weeks. He had papers due, his exposé to research for, and the football team played away. He wondered whether or not he should tell Sirius he liked him, and even went so far as to write a sort of script for himself before realising he was being ridiculous.

Meanwhile, Megan was getting bored of Remus’ endless talk of Sirius, and didn’t bother to hide her yawns when Remus started on the subject during their Skype chats. Infuriatingly, it seemed to Remus, Megan didn’t appear to think Remus had that bad of a chance, causing Remus to say ‘You’re not taking this situation seriously enough!’ which just made Megan laugh at him. Another friend from home had breezily texted ‘Just ask him out on a date and see what happens!’ to which Remus could only respond with a screaming face emoji. Aside from being a terrifying prospect generally, did young people even go out on dates anymore? And surely it made a difference if you were already friends with the person you wanted to date? Remus couldn’t help worrying that even if they did start dating he would always feel anxious that Sirius would eventually realise how much better he could do than Remus.

Even though he longed to see Sirius again, spending time with him was always such an emotional rollercoaster that there was a part of Remus that felt that perhaps this time apart was doing him good.

***

Looking back, it was difficult for Remus to get the order of events straight in his mind. James and his teammates had utterly destroyed Cal Tech, putting the team in a very good position in the league. For the first time, the players were starting to wonder seriously if they could make it to the championships. Peter swore he had seen Bill Belichick watching the game – ‘Probably thinking about drafting James into the Patriots!’ This started an explosive argument between Peter, James and Sirius, which Remus quickly zoned out of, neither knowing nor caring who Bill Belichick was. When he came to, both James and Peter had turned on Sirius, Peter shouting ‘Maybe YOUR face looks like a scrotum!’ while James yelled ‘I would NEVER betray America!’

After the usual frat house party, they all headed into town to continue the celebrating at some bars. How many, Remus couldn’t say. All he could remember was a montage of flashing lights, shots, sweaty bodies, roof terraces, more shots, god, so many shots.

Then the four of them were walking along a street bright with neon signs. Remus grabbed Sirius’ arm.

‘Where are we?’ he asked.

Sirius chuckled and slung his arm around Remus’ shoulder. ‘James wants to go to Denny’s.’

They were the only people in the diner aside from the waitresses. James ordered a Philly Cheesesteak Omelette, and Sirius and Peter both had burgers. Remus asked only for water. He felt far too queasy to think about food.

When James’ omelette arrived, he cut a piece and held it up reverently on his fork. ‘You know who’s from Philadelphia?’

‘Uhh, Tina Fey, Grace Kelly, Boyz II Men...’ began Peter.

Sirius held up his hand. ‘Firstly, what the fuck, Peter? Secondly, Lily, right?’

‘Yeah, Lily,’ whispered James. He closed his eyes and ate his piece of omelette.

‘I spend a lot of time on Wikipedia,’ said Peter.

‘Um, who’s Lily?’ asked Remus groggily.

‘Some girl James is in love with,’ said Sirius. ‘We’ve never met her.’

‘I’m not sure James has ever met her either,’ mumbled Peter.

‘What the fuck did you just say?’ said James.

Peter held up his hands defensively. ‘I’m just saying that you’re a fucking football player! You’ve got girls falling over themselves to get with you, so why are you so scared of Lily?’

‘Dude, that’s exactly the problem. One time I came into the women’s centre dressed in my football kit because I’d just come from practise and she turned to her friend and started talking about...well, I didn’t really understand it, but there was something about ‘toxic masculinity’. I dunno, it didn’t sound good.’

Sirius laughed. ‘Dude, she doesn’t hate you because you’re a football player!’ He ate a mouthful of burger. ‘Oh god, I am way too drunk for this. Look, girls...girls don’t like it when guys...how can I explain this. When they make assumptions? Like, Lily’s hot, you’ve spoken to her twice, and now she’s your soulmate? Not to be harsh, but you’re probably building her up to be something she’s not. She’s not going to be perfect for you in every way, because she’s a real person, she’s like, her own person, you know?’

‘Can you tell me this again when I’m sober?’ asked James.

‘Yeah, of course,’ said Sirius, reaching out to ruffle James’ hair.

Remus got up. He needed badly to use the bathroom.

When he walked out of the bathroom, Sirius was at the counters, talking to a waitress. He beckoned Remus over.

‘I’m just getting a glass of water, do you want another one?’

‘Um, yeah, ok.’

The waitress poured their water, and Sirius suggested that they sit on the high stools at the bar. For a moment they sat in silence, drinking.

‘Did you have fun tonight?’ asked Sirius.

‘Yeah, it was fun,’ said Remus, wishing desperately he could think of something more interesting to say.

‘Man I’m drunk,’ said Sirius. ‘I’m going to be so dead tomorrow.’

‘Oh no,’ said Remus. ‘I’m meant to be writing a long, detailed article on the game because it was such an important one, and I can’t remember a thing that happened. Oh shit...’

‘Hey, look at me, it’s going to be fine,’ said Sirius. ‘James will give you the lowdown. He’ll tell you all the fancy technical terms no one else understands.’

They both giggled. There was a pause.

‘Your eyes,’ started Sirius. ‘They’re the colour of tea.’

Remus let out a nervous laugh. ‘What, milky? I don’t have cataracts, I swear.’

Sirius wrinkled his nose. ‘How do you take your tea?’

 _Shit_ , thought Remus. _You blew that. That was a flirty remark, you could have said something flirty back._

‘Do you want to kiss me?’ asked Sirius.

‘I-yeah,’ said Remus. ‘Yeah.’

They both leaned in, and Sirius’s lips were on his and their mouths were moving together and this was it, he was kissing Sirius, finally he was kissing Sirius.

They broke apart.

‘I really like you, Remus,’ said Sirius. He looked over at their table. Both James and Peter were asleep with their heads on their arms. ‘Oh no. Let’s get these two home.’

***

Remus woke up at 1:32pm. The room looked like his own. All his limbs felt intact. But his head...god, his head...

‘I feel,’ he said quietly to himself, ‘like I’ve been run over by train.’

He rubbed his eyes, which felt like they had been attacked with sandpaper. He licked his dry lips and-

 _Oh_ , he thought. _Sirius kissed me. Sirius was sucking on my bottom lip not eight hours ago._

 _He was drunk_ , a small voice said.

 _He said he liked me_ , remembered Remus.

 _He’s always joking about having crushes on people_ , the small voice reminded him. _He just wanted to kiss someone. It doesn’t mean he likes you._

The nausea hit him as soon as he got out of bed, but he forced himself to shower and eat something. In the early evening he grudgingly left the house to pick up some bread, milk and something he could whack in the microwave for dinner.

As he walked back through the dark streets he passed remnants of the previous night’s celebrations: empty cups lying in the road, an abandoned banner and, naturally, a pool of vomit. Then, some forty yards ahead he saw three people standing talking on the pavement. It was like Remus’ body knew before he did. His heart started thumping and he became hyper-aware of the way his body was moving as he walked. He felt a blush rising in his cheeks. Sirius looked up from his two friends and his eyes met Remus’. Remus looked away, focusing on his shoes as he continued walking ever closer to Sirius. _I’ll just walk past him without looking up_ , he thought. _I was far enough away that it’s plausible I didn’t realise it was him. I could have bad eyesight for all he knows. Keep on walking. Don’t look up._

Remus got home, put his food away and lay prostrate on his bed. He felt like absolute shit, mind, body and soul. _Why did I ignore Sirius?  So I like him, he doesn’t like me, and we kissed. More humiliating things have happened._ Remus probed his feelings deeper. _I just couldn’t face him. I don’t even know how I feel about what happened. Seeing him, especially when I feel and look like shit – it was too much._

***

The day after that, Remus had two classes, and then he went to the library to borrow a book. As he left the library his heart sank: there was Sirius walking directly towards him. Remus steeled himself, fixing his eyes on him, but Sirius’ eyes didn’t even flicker towards him, and they passed each other without Sirius giving any sign that he had seen Remus. Remus turned around, watching him in disbelief as he disappeared through the library doors, but Sirius didn’t look back.

***

On Tuesday, Dwight, the editor of the student newspaper, called Remus.

‘Hello?’ said Remus, taken off guard by the fact that someone was actually calling his phone in 2015.

‘Hi Remus,’ said Dwight. ‘I’m calling to inform you that your exposé of the college’s financial dealings has been nominated for a Pulitzer.’

‘What?’ said Remus.

‘That was a sarcastic joke. I’m actually calling to kick your ass about your article on Saturday’s game. Where the fuck is it?’

_Oh shit._

‘It’s almost done,’ said Remus. ‘Life got in the way. I’ll email it to you by the end of the day.’

Dwight ended the call without bothering to reply.

Remus was still very hazy on what had happened during the game. If he was going to write the report by the end of the day he had only one option. But how could he talk to James when James was best friends with Sirius? He wracked his brains for an alternative, but as far as he could see, it was either quit the paper or face James.

He texted James. A minute later, he got a reply: _Sure. Why don’t you come over._

Feeling as though he would rather do anything else, Remus picked up his notebook and made his way to James’ place.

***

James opened the door wearing sweatpants and a stained tshirt.

‘Come in,’ he said. ‘Do you want a beer?’

Remus sat down on the sofa. ‘No thanks, I’m fine.’

James sat down next to him. ‘Ok, just so you know, I’m only doing this because you’re my friend too and I just smoked a joint. But I need you to know that I’m really mad at you for upsetting Sirius.’

Remus frowned. Upsetting Sirius? He had been rude to him, sure. He could understand Sirius being annoyed at him, but that wasn’t quite what James seemed to mean.

‘What do you mean ‘upsetting’ him?’

James stared at him. ‘You kissed him, and then the next day you completely blank him. Are you not seeing a problem with that? You can’t toy with Sirius’ affections like that. The man’s like a brother to me!’

Remus could hardly believe what he was hearing.

‘What do you mean by ‘toying with his affections?’

James looked at him incredulously, then got out his phone. ‘So many questions. I’m just gonna call him over here.’

Remus sat frozen as James texted Sirius. A few minutes later, Sirius himself walked through the door. His face hardened when he saw Remus.

‘Oh,’ he said. ‘You’re here.’

Remus stood up, stomach swirling.

‘You two need to talk,’ said James. ‘I think there’s been a bit of a misunderstanding.’ He shifted into a more comfortable position on the couch and started looking at his phone.

‘I’m sorry Sirius,’ began Remus. ‘I shouldn’t have ignored you. It was rude and cowardly. I didn’t feel up to seeing you – I just felt so embarrassed.’

‘You felt embarrassed about kissing me?’ said Sirius. ‘Wow, Remus-‘ but he was interrupted by the sound of James giggling. They both looked at him, but James was scrolling through his phone, apparently paying no attention to their conversation.

Sirius looked back at Remus and continued. ‘That’s cold Remus. That’s really cold. Am I that gross that you felt _embarrassed_ about kissing me?’

Remus’ mouth dropped open. ‘No – I thought you would be embarrassed about having kissed me.’

‘What? You just said it was the other way around. Don’t play mind games with me.’

James giggled again, and Sirius rolled his eyes.

‘No, that’s not what I-’ began Remus. ‘I mean...I have a crush on you, ok? I can’t stop thinking about you. When we kissed it got my hopes up, but the next morning I realised there was no way you felt the same for me. And I felt embarrassed because...well...what’s someone like me got any business doing thinking I’ve got any hope of being with someone like you.’

Sirius looked stunned. ‘Remus, what are you talking about? _I’m_ the one who has a crush on _you_.’

There followed what might have been a dramatic silence, if James hadn’t at that moment let out a screech of laughter, continuing to scroll through his phone as his shoulders shook.

‘No,’ said Remus. ‘That’s not possible.’

‘Are you kidding me?’ asked Sirius. ‘If anything I liked you first – I asked James to invite you to that frat party the first time I met you!’

‘Oh my god...’ said Remus. ‘This isn’t a joke right?’

‘Definitely not a joke,’ replied Sirius. ‘Dude, you have some serious self-esteem issues, you know that?’

Remus opened his mouth to reply, but James let out his loudest peal of laughter yet.

‘What is he laughing at?’ asked Sirius as tears leaked from James’ eyes.

Remus looked over James’ shoulder at his phone. ‘It’s just pictures of a cartoon frog,’ he said blankly.

‘Remus, I think we need to start over,’ said Sirius. ‘Would you like to go on a date with me tonight to Joe Cheese’s Pizza Place?’

‘Oh...I’ve actually got to write a report for the student paper. I need James’ help with it.’

They both looked at James, then back at each other.

‘No, fuck it,’ said Remus. ‘Let’s go.’

**Author's Note:**

> this fic is really autobiographical and i wrote it entirely for myself...i took a few situations that happened to me last year and spliced them together with a happy ending...i'm so sorry.
> 
> i reread this and it's a bummer that disgusting people have ruined the frog meme. just to be clear, fuck those guys.


End file.
